The Daily Mail have been doing it for years so we thought, why not?
Using a subtle blend of ethical hacking, social engineering and Lightning socket brute-forcing we were able to remotely access Noz’s phone and see the WhatsApp conversations he’s been having with the other ShyTalk members.
Most of it is far too shocking and controversial to publish. We did however find this little snippet. A valuable insight into their working process…
A promo pic for ShyTalk FC’s upcoming championship match against bitter rivals, Cemaes Bay Control Rods.
Consisting of original ShyTalk members (Jim, Noz & Stu) together with a select few friends and family members, ShyTalk FC exploded onto the scene in 2025. They rocketed to the top of the league after only one season with two members, Jim & Noz, even receiving special awards for ‘best at kicking’.
They’ll be defending their currently held title as champions in the Gagge & Ball Inter-County Grassroots Cup later this year.
We wish them luck…
One of the few things that wasn’t either destroyed or confiscated in the infamous police raid and subsequent fire at ShyTalk’s headquarters on the oil rig was Stu’s old notebook for show ideas. We were fortunate enough to have this sent to us recently by an anonymous donor.
Most of it is totally incomprehensible, just random letters, scribbles and lines. Presumably, this was some kind of code Stu invented to try and stop people from stealing his ideas (something he was unhealthily obsessed with in ShyTalk’s later years).
Here’s one page we found that actually made some kind of sense. It’s a shame that, as far as we know, ‘Competitive Butchery’ never actually made it as a sketch…
No-one here can work out what it’s meant to be. A unicorn? A magical pixie?
We’ve known about the ZX Spectrum version of ShyTalk’s notorious video game, ‘Jockey Wilson’s Tiananmen Square Challenge’ for some time now but never thought we’d ever get to see this.
We managed to pick up on eBay the near-mythical Sega GameGear version of the game, in mint condition (sadly no box) and working perfectly.
According to the legend, only two copies were ever made of this game before executives at Sega put a stop to further production for reasons of taste, decency and the company’s reputation.
And now it’s ours!
Right, excuse us while we get back to playing this fabulous piece of video game history. Those tanks aren’t going to stop themselves, you know!
We asked our favourite trio of emotionally stunted men (Jim, Noz & Stu) to compile a Spotify playlist of some of their favourite and most influential songs.
Stu flatly refused, stating, “I’m medically unable to recall any music I’ve ever heard due to my theatrical tinnitus. Anyway, I’m the creative genius here, not the fucking DJ”.
Thankfully, Jim and Noz were happy to oblige. We suspect it’s because it gives them the rare opportunity to force their questionable taste in music onto others.
And here’s the result: a genre-spanning mess of silliness, sonic extremes and room-clearers for your listening displeasure.
“We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name the following dirty things…”
Can you guess the pointless middle answer?
For a very limited time only, we’re offering ShyTalk-themed confectionary, starting with everyone’s favourite, Love Hearts.
Get your exclusive sweeties here. Don’t delay, we’re selling out fast!
Spotted on a local Morrison’s community notice board.
We know the original ShyTalk members are speaking to each other again (albeit mostly due to contractual obligations), but could this be a sign they’re also resurrecting the now infamous Blue Pedro Club?
Or is this perhaps the work of an eager fan, longing for its return? Who knows? Guess we’ll just have to go to the next meating to find out.
And for 150 Blanks…
Les Dawson knew the score.
