This website is an unofficial archive of the 90s cult show, ShyTalk Radio. It’s run and maintained by a small number of dedicated fans whose aim is to gather and catalogue what little remains of the original ShyTalk broadcasts and associated materials.
The History of ShyTalk Radio
Origins
In the beginning was the three. Stu dragged up in the rough, tough melee of a south coast fishing town – boats, floats and banknotes. Jim nurtured in the urban idyll of Headingley, desperate to break free from the constraints of cricket and conformity. Noz, breast fed on tales of the Pendle witches, absorbing what they meant then, yet growing up in the ever-present shadow of what they represent today. In retrospect we can see these as the perfect ingredients for the fine blended ShyTalk sound, especially when tempered by Dogger’s hybrid upper-class arrogance and public school angst all mixed together in his Spanking Clare homebrew studio – but we get ahead of ourselves.
Why north Wales? What was special about the summer of ’96? The lazy journalist would say educational opportunities, but our intrepid researcher, Sandie, says different. We already know that Noz and Stu had spent time together in a Peckham art college. Stu had predictably been expelled for, depending who you believe, drug dealing or sedition (the rumour of minor arson attacks has now been discredited as part of his typical self-mythologising media misdirection). Noz waited four months to complete his course (culminating in a beautiful multi-media papier mâché – decoupage exhibition piece) then followed him cross country like a faithful dachshund following a badger’s scent. Jim had been regularly visiting a commune gleefully experimenting with the counter-culture in all its forms, but mostly drugs, performance art and nudity (ideally simultaneously) when he unexpectedly became chums with Noz and got to know Stu. They would watch agog at the temerity of his performances and he would attend Bonzo Dogger Stu-dah gigs getting to know Noz who would work as roadie and cum catcher (Noz has always been keen to note that this was ‘more a kind of wallpaper paste’ the band used to squirt over the audience using phallically disguised Fairy liquid bottles during the song Face Jam. As trends in music culture changed, Jim and Noz started DJing as Zimbly and Bungalow producing a unique and hypnotic form of EDM they called Pub-Step, often opening and closing for the Stu-dahs, soon the act’ s performances seamlessly mutated into ShyTalk gigs and eventually the much-loved radio format we all grew to know and love.
This leads us neatly to Dogger, the most enigmatic member of the troupe but sonically the most significant. Touched by genius, his gentle soul the most impacted by their seminal success. How did he reach North Wales? It is claimed the car he was travelling in mistook the A5 for the A49 after a monumental party in Telford – with life changing consequences (he has always refused to comment on whether this map-reading mishap was due to an acid tab stashed under the driver’s foreskin – or indeed whether he was said driver). Finally found wandering aimlessly under Menai Bridge – at this point sans car (who knows!), Stu befriended him and took him in, as he regularly did with social waifs and strays – and as is often the case with ShyTalk, the rest is indeed history.
Baby Steps – ShyTalk Radio Gestates
In the very early days, it wasn’t just the three (four) of them – ShyTalk was very much a troupe, a fluid, loose organisation of like-minded ‘artistes’ built on the back of the Stu-Dah collective. Some names are easily recognisable to those familiar with the ShyTalk archives, such as Slippery Pete, Lazy Aimee, ‘Crazy Cousin’ Al, The Sci-fi Foon and Karen the wonk. Others like Winchester Bailey, Dan Singh, Party Marti, the 3 Bens, Chainsaw Mike, Bay City Brian and notably Brian the beggar, less so – but just as significant in the journey of our intrepid heroes. Read on…
The Storm FM Radio Shows
Most acknowledge the Bala Eisteddfod as ShyTalk’s Free Trade Hall moment. Jim’s words sum it up best, ‘I had decided that we should perform at the national Eisteddfod fringe event, to be fair the fringe didn’t actually exist until we rocked up and started performing – it was a beautiful moment, agit prop and situationist. Using anti-rave laws we were duly banned from ever performing again within a five-mile radius of any Celtic heritage event (“didn’t stop us storming the stage for the 1999 Anglesey Eisteddfod though!” Noz chips in). What I remember most was the trip down, we were all so unified and doing what we do best – Stu switching between skinning up and surreal monologues, Dogger begging to drive and Noz swerving paying for any petrol’.
A mention here should be given to the ‘Lazy leopard’, early fans still talk animatedly of this iconic camper van spluttering down the road heralding the start of yet another Shy-Venture. Covered in animal print, it would carry the necessary equipment and berth three ‘one of us would usually end up lost or too fucked to sleep or both’ Noz laughed ‘we would often wake to find a dishevelled Dogger shivering and hugging a wheel arch’.
A remarkable piece of synchronicity occurred at Bala though, Geraint ‘Jock’ Llewelyn, ostensibly there to report on the health fad of bardic yodelling, stumbled towards the anarchic sounds emanating from the neighbouring field, circumventing the protest pickets he stood agog for the next 56 minutes.
‘I had just been employed as station manager for Storm FM “87.7 on your dial” – there were only two of us – Mick did most of the technical stuff and I was in charge of promotion, programming and procrastination. ShyTalk seemed like a golden gift for all three. I immediately asked them to perform the comedy interludes on the breakfast show – I hadn’t allowed for Stu though’.
Three days into the run, they had already received a barrage of complaints mostly along the lines of ‘Funny or not, I don’t want to hear about anal piercing whilst I’m eating my cornflakes’, then came the Milky, Milky Breakfast Bukkake sketch and despite more complaints than they had ever received in total, it was matched by a five-fold increase in fan mail – what to do? Jim had the answer, ‘The grave yard slot was dream scheduling for us.’ Skillfully exploiting a 2 o’clock club curfew and rampant 90’s drug driving – a cult following rapidly emerged. ‘Listening figures quadrupled, then doubled, then quadrupled again – we soon had a hit and audience figures of over 250. Then came Good Music for Bad People’ Jock beamed 25 years later ‘Opening with The Good, the Bland and the Smugly Ugly was inspired and the phone started ringing, when Jason and the Neuronauts aired I saw fans outside our building holding a transistor radio and gently rocking, by Vaginal Pageant I was convinced I would get fired, but no!’
A live following emerged by accident, Noz continues ‘To begin with we moved our decks to the glass windows, then set up a booth outside, Stu even had a stall selling Cymru Cola – probably as a front for his latest MDMA business’. Then came Bumgina, the mutton faced fans were already half naked due to the ecstasy consumed and Jim seized the moment. ‘Never underestimate Jim’s impeccable timing and flair for the bare’ Stu later told Tabitha Taylor journalist for PopTart, perhaps the only truly cool music mag – ever!
The show went on the road, only local gigs, but the word was getting out and the four happenings in Anglesey (shows 13-16) were listed in Drop Out magazine’s top 10 ‘if you weren’t there then you missed it’ list of ’98. It is fair to say the drugs added to the pull of the event, Stu had hooked up with MC Ken KC and they added the Eclectic Irn Brew Acid Press to proceedings, foisting LSD onto anyone prepared to take it. The gigs were wild and it is hard to find anyone with accurate recollections. Stu added ‘the Anglesey acid wasn’t bad, or particularly strong – there was just a lot of it’.
They returned to the studio for five of the last seven Storm FM shows – but Giving Aural Pleasure and Who’s the Pope were their Woodstock moment – chaotic and phenomenal. ‘Thank God for fields’ Jim chanted during the shows, even Dogger could be heard squealing ‘It’s farmer-geddon’.
‘Stu’s expanded dealing business did provide us with some much needed equipment and a degree of financial stability, but he kept giving most of it away’ Noz reported with more than a hint of contempt in his voice. The answer seemed obvious, the clamour from continental fans was vast, exchange students would record shows and send C90s back home, which in turn got shared, re-recorded and eventually aired*. Numerous fans hitched across international borders to get to gigs, often stowing away on ferries just for the opportunity to see their heroes perform – the European tour beckoned. Read on, if you dare…
*Please, our EU Shy-Brethren search for these, empty closets and raid attics, who knows what you may find – Europe is our greatest hope.
Pigeon English – Fanzine
The question isn’t why this fanzine existed – anyone revving their monkey motor during the Storm FM days would recognise the ubiquitous presence of Anarchist Kev and Bald Suzie at gigs touting their obviously home-made wares, hash pipes, stash pots, dream weavers and personalised glove puppets. Their flawed efforts at supplementing their giros soon turned into obsessive super groupie fandom, gonzo journalism and guerrila publishing. The writing, printing and selling of Pigeon English was an unexpected (and at times semi-literate) next step for the polydactic pairing. Obviously, no-one questions why they printed 56 editions (admitedly erratic in output and scope) but many question the veracity and choice of content. Some of the mags were legendary like issue #12, Pigeon Pie and issue #23, Chick Flavoured Cat Fodder. Others like the single sheet issue, #43 The Early Bird was the universal litter of the 1999 festival scene, the infamous, and aptly named, issue #28 Jail Bird which deliberately set out to challange censorship laws, led to legal action.
Like all good ‘journalists’, they often fell foul of their quarry – leading Bald Suzie to say ‘At times I’ve been justafiably punched by every member of the ShyTalk family – top stuff, great photos’.
Blue Pedro
What was the purpose of Blue Pedro, the ShyTalk kids club?
Officially, ‘a fun club to get to know your ShyTalk heroes and explore the world of pigeon related trivia and appreciate dirty meat and its animal origins’, that’s how they sold it and that’s what thousands of Britain’s pre-teens bought into – which all sounds tawdry to me.
By far the most likely explanation appears to be a cheap source of child actors and the opportunity for Stu to shag their mums.
Interestingly though, Noz has been heard to recollect on a number of occasions his fond memories of being a member of the Desperate Dan fanclub and the joy he experienced as a Pie Eaters Club newsletter hit his letterbox. If you own any of the Blue Pedro ‘treat sheets’ their own quarterly postal correspondance, badges or special offers please contact us – fair prices paid.
The big mystery remains who was Blue Pedro kid #1 ? We have hunted down kids 2-6 and 8-17, most of whom refused to comment, preferring to keep this phase of their life completely hidden from their new families, with child 12, Tegan C stating ‘There was nothing wrong with it per se, it just wasn’t nice – dirty meat is always fun, but why were 10 year-olds being encouraged to chat cheese maturation speeds and lard rendering processes. I did enjoy the supplements on linen soiling – until someone spilled the meat to me whilst at uni – I was mortified.’ Others like child 16 (anonymity requested) echoes Dale describing ShyTalk as ‘bastards’:
…although they used the term ‘monkey strangling penis graters’. Who can guess the influence of Blue Pedro on these young people’s emotional development, but no-one can question the impact on their imagination and verbal dexterity.
The European Tour and Radio Shows
By this point onwards, our intrepid broadcasters entered a long series of managers, some like Barnabus Finch lasted months, Adrian Rexworthy nearly lasted a year, others like Paul ‘Nice Guy’ Pearce only survived 23 minutes. The reason? Rexworthy baldly stated ‘Noz is insufferable, Jim is inflammatory, Stu is indefensible and Dogger incomprehensible’ – no arguments here. However, manager extraordinaire Mike ‘no relation to Kenny’ Lynch (7 months) saw it as his mission after the Eurovision near-success of ‘Bang your Boom Boom Baby’ to get the boys passports and visit the uber keen continental crowds – rumours that he may also have been in league with Stu’s smuggling gang remain unsubstantiated as Lynch unfortunately passed in 2012 (after complications linked to an undiagnosed elongated spleen), although he was once drunkenly quoted as saying ‘I got into ShyTalk Radio on the promise of a weed grow, instead I was delivered greed woe’.
During one of their regular interviews with Tabatha Taylor of Pop Tart teen magazine, when asked about the upshot of the European dates Dogger said through his ever-present ball gag, ‘er-up mm er mm-i-cah mm-st-ee tor, er kmm-ber-i-shh er se-k-shll ik-pl-reshun, piri-toll mm-id-vensh-a nn a dg kll-a-k-shnn’. Years later, Jim the most fluent in Dogger-ese attempted to translate
Jim: ‘I am pretty certain he’s saying “Europe was our magical mystery tour, a combination of sexual exploration, spiritual misadventure and a drug ???-?-?-????” – no-one has ever worked out what that last word was.’
Noz took over: ‘But that’s what we loved about Dogger, he was a genius of interpretation and misunderstanding’
Jim: ‘This was a huge part of the ShyTalk sound and style’.
Unfortunately for us, much of the record of what went on in Europe was writen by Jeremy Tinkerton – Stu later told Taylor ‘Don’t trust Tinkerton, half of what he reported was true, the other half true for him and yet another half the fantasist ramblings of a narcisistic media whore’, but to be fair, can we trust a word of what comes out of Stu’s mouth either?
Most agree, it was Paris where the sex, drugs and debauchery took hold. Dutch Boy P the promoter not only seemed able to cater for all the lads’ desires (not an easy task with this disolute, curious and inventive four part trio), but he also seemed to take perverse pleasure in throwing substances and situations into the mix – ‘…like a cross between Fanny Craddock and Dr Frankenstein – just to see what perversities of nature he could bring to pass’ Noz would say at P’s funeral over a closed coffin due to the extreme violence of his turf war demise. Yet the reasons are irrelevant, the die was cast the boys behaved how they did, and the shows were superb. Eindhoven was smooth, most notable for the debut of the I think I did a dream sketch and Dogger’s faultless production. Belgium was cancelled, ‘Forget the Petite La Fleur and linen stuff’ Stu barked at me once (although Europe was where the ShyRegard for dirty linen took hold), ‘it was Jim poncing about in the nude at customs which got us barred’. Noz disagrees ‘I wish Stu would get past this whole “have a go at Jim at every opportunity – thing”, but the real animosity was a thing of the future’. Lynch gave his own take ‘They were all still getting on but got consumed by their egos, playing the comedy rockstar thing, they weren’t falling out with each other, more’ he paused in thought, ‘self-absorbed. You have to remember, Noz had never been abroad before, Jim had never shot the monkey’s dagger before, Stu felt he had been given carte blanche for just about everything and Dogger never felt he had been listened to before – which was ironic, as this is when his ball gag became an ever present accoutriment’.
Even if the personalities were starting to draw demarcations the showmansip never faultered, the international audiences lapped them up and the high-points were stratosphonic. Sketches like Butterscotch Labia titilated, Opium Popsicle thrilled and Knocked down, Knocked up, Knocked out, trail blazed, with ShyTalk Radio spearheading a rise in social satire which gave a dimension to their work that appealed to the serious politico as much as the stoner surrealists their comedy peers attracted.
‘Wow – France, seriously wow!’ Noz was heard to repeatedly utter having finally found his European feet and putting his grade ‘D’ French GCSE to good use. ‘Fuck me, France,’ Jim echoed ‘they got us unlike anywhere else, who would have credited it – especially considering Dogger’s well publicised Francophobe commentry’ (Lady Penelope later illuminated the situation ‘My father had several, increasingly nasty, encounters with General de Gaulle – he [Dogger] was very close to his Grand Papa’. They played five gigs in France to universal acclaim and increasing media exposure – but it was not seen as a healthy period for either their bodies or their egos. ‘I was a fucking super star in France – I remember one morning…that’s it I remember one morning’ Stu told regional West Country TV presenter Kendle McCloud twelve years late, ‘none of the sights, none of the travelling, none of the gigs – but the applause stayed with me’.
Five gigs later, our very washed out, dishevelled, slightly broken cohort of comedy clever clogs tramped into Sweden like a band of cryptic refugees. Each with their own recollections ‘Thank God for Sweden’ Jim reminisced ‘I needed their Nordic sanity’, ‘I forgot to stop speaking French – which kept putting Dogger on edge’ Noz recalls, ‘Scandinavian adulation just wasn’t the same, more… restrained’ Stu lamented, Lynch puts this in context, ‘Stu was a dick, always contrary, insisted on performing Barely Legal Teenage Volvo. I was mortified, so were the authorities – I was eager to skip town and see Luxemburg, until…’. Noz continues one of the most oft repeated European stories ‘In Gothenburg bar we met a tattooist and all got tattoos saying ‘ShyTalk Radio – Vi tar komedi på största allvar’ [we take comedy very seriously], except Mike’s [Lynch] which again in Swedish said ‘I masturbate into Luxembourg’s flag’ – Luxembourg was our next gig. I don’t know who was most angry Mike or the customs official!’. ‘Of course it was Stu’s idea, of course we all blamed Dogger’ Jim mused years later, ‘and of course Lynch resigned, but not before giving both Stu and Dogger a good slap. That tattoo is one of my biggest regrets, despite despite being followed by our most lucrative period, without Lynch’s steady hand on the tiller, we were soon adrift – almost literally in the North Sea – a vanity project that soon killed off ShyTalk Radio and almost killed us too’.
The snowballing success was in fact a hiatus in the madness, fuelled by a stream of die hard British fans followed our heroes around the continent, and through word of mouth and postcards home whetted the appetite of the British press ‘Our fans acted like drunken carrier pigeons’ Noz exclaimed. Comedy ripples turned into a humour movement, the numerous television appearances funded their next venture and desent into recrimination and madness, a new chapter awaited.
The Live Stage Shows
The summer of 1999 was considered both the high and low point in the history of ShyTalk Radio. They were certainly at their peak in terms of exposure, but the quality of their content is thought to have plateaued long before this. Inside squabbles and differences in opinion regarding direction, royalties and linen policy had ShyTalk heading into a creative tail spin with a knock-on effect on the quality of their output, resultingly, the radio broadcasts were haemorrhaging listeners.
Earlier that year, Noz had married his 4th wife, Ginger, a successful concert promoter. She had arranged for ShyTalk to perform the stage version of their show at several summer music festivals and appear as a support act for various bands popular at the time. Hoping this move away from the more recent audio-only format would not only rekindle the groups camaraderie and inspire material in the same way the early Storm FM ‘gigs’ had, but also help bring ShyTalk to a more mainstream audience (bringing in some much needed money, a resource they were seriously lacking – Stu’s increasing paranoia had curtailed his dealing and the financial bedrock it had hitherto provided).
The stage shows were met with mixed reactions, however. Die-hard fans seemed to welcome the new format but people who were unfamiliar with ShyTalk were left feeling bemused, dejected and often terrified. Almost all of the live stage shows ended with them being booed off stage, usually in a hail of bottles, shoes, and cups of fresh piss (a far cry from the chunks of braising steak and cups of offal they were accustomed to).
They were notoriously inconsistent in how they interacted with other acts, veering from antagonistic to overly friendly. Legendary super groupie has been and paramore of Noz, Vanilla Kitten stated, ‘from my experience, it’s quite normal for a band with that much talent to behave in such an ambivert manner, they can’t compete in the normal way, so as one pushes, another pulls. When one is up, the other… you get the picture – now where’s that line you promised me’. Noz’s well publicized statement that ‘sharing a stage with anyone who wasn’t Elvis, The Beatles or Dollar was beneath them’, didn’t endear them to the either the industry or the proposed new fan base.
It is unclear what exactly happened at the V99 Festival, but they were forced to move their performance to a later day. In typical fashion it appears Stu and James Brown were in the green room, happily sharing tips regarding guns, drugs and high speed chases when Jim deliberately provoked Brown by espousing inflammatory arguments in favour of commercial dolphin farming (a cause Brown was on record as opposing). Allegedly, this quickly escalated into a near fist fight, with Jim repeatedly grabbing the Soul legend by the lapels and telling him to ‘get up’ before pushing back into his seat with a predictable ‘get on down’. Witnesses insist had it not been the quick thinking of The Beautiful South’s Paul Heaton, it would have likely ended in hospitalisation and arrest for at least one of the participants. As a result, festival organisers insisted that all members of ShyTalk were ejected from the tent immediately, despite Brown suggesting Stu should stay.
This however led to the Shaun Ryder affair which he recollected in a now infamous interview with Katie Puckrik on ‘The Word’, declaring he would ‘never, never, get wasted the ShyTalk way again’ describing Dogger’s pecadillos and Stu’s general behaviour as being ‘a bit much, innit’.
The problems continued when the ShyTalk team acted as comperes for a one-off gig by Rolf Harris. Although Harris seemed to get on surprisingly well with them, the rest of his band were not as accepting of their idiosyncrasies. Shortly before the show was due to start, the didgeridoo player (a key element of the live act) left the building in a flood of tears after being propositioned by Dogger and Jim had a (now increasingly formulaic) naked altercation with the drummer leaving him without the use of his forearms for a week
[editor: clarification needed was this the arms of Jim or the Drummer?]
After the failure of the live shows, the sacking of another manager, a trip to Hereford and a return to the drug induced chaotic boredom of the oil rig, the radio shows quickly degenerated further. Animosity between the members grew stronger and many shows were abandoned part way through, or, out of necessity performed by a solitary ShyTalker guided by an increasingly unstable Dogger. This gentle soul, friend to them all, was perhaps more deeply impacted than anyone the degenerated into an acrimonious indifference by this once tight knit friendship group of unparalelled musical and comedic vision .
TV appearences
Feeding off the success of the live shows, with much of the scandalous behaviour being kept behind closed doors (as is usually the way in celebrity circles) Rexworthy now at the helm, a hardened manager who knew how to make his charges behave found ShyTalk numerous invites onto panel shows and daytime talk programmes. Apearences on Win, Lose and Draw , Celeberity Family Fortunes and Call My Bluff were fan favourites – with Stu hilariously being given the word Quincunx to bluff (the shape of a five on a dice). More mixed reactions amongst the team came from the Give Us a Clue ShyTalk Special ‘I have never been happier’ Jim translated for Dogger ‘never has my ball gag been less of a hinderance – even if I did have to appear on the girls team’. Noz however, was furious ‘Nobody told me it was a reboot – you knew playing charades with Lional Blair was a dream of mine’ he screamed into the face of his soon to be ex-wife Ginger. They ShyTalk team also comported themselves well on the chat circuit, sounding cogent and compelling when discussing censorship on The Time, The Place with John Stapleton saying he was ‘pleasantly surprised’ and swapping numbers with Noz. Even with Richard and Judy the trio presented as funny and polite, leading fans to insist Stu must have been sedated (and hardcore fans suggesting a body double).
The Dirty Meat Scandal
Whilst no-one talks about Hereford, almost anyone involved with ShyTalk has something to say about Dirty Meat. It is remarkable how the ShyTalk fan community (Shy-sters) embraced many of the most far fetched conceits the our talented trio gifted to the world.
Sociologists of music and popular culture have suggested ShyTalk filled a deep seated need to satisfy a rebellious tribal belonging that wasn’t being fulfilled in the late 90s for the goth, emo and grunge communities. Soon you had competing factions within the Shy-Community, (towelmen, pigeon fanciers and shyters to name a few), each embracing their own fantasy – even Noz-tops and Jim-gimps emerged – dark days. The most frequent celebrations, as we all know, included soiled linen, cheese whistling and squirrel baiting – but none embraced the public imagination as much as the slapping of dirty meat and attendant practices – as any officer at Moregate Grove will attest with its notorious A wing soon overflowing with deviant meat heads. But why?
Beth January (friend and wannabe groupie) is certain it started with the sketch Butcher Shop Bordello but whilst it hinted at raunchy dancing around the meat counter, no-one can remember any meat slapping. Fellow Angelsey performer Elton Costello remembers a gig where a naked Jim screamed ‘Flay me with bacon and ham’, but this was slapping Jim with meat, not, Jim slapping meat. Where did the dirty meat fetish originate then? Thompson Jones (Bangor Oceanography lecurerer and part-time local historian) took an interest in the affair and remembers researching an early meat throwing gig ‘I think Stu picked up on the dark comedic potential of Jims “meat ‘n’ nudity” exclamations and wrote sketches like Pork Chop Punch Chump, Tripe Stomp, and, It’s Raining Meat – hallelujah! the last especially led to fans throwing offal and offcuts at the stage during performances’. It is my theory that fans, keen for any ephemera, would seek out pieces of post gig meat off of the venue floor – which by itsvery nature was dusty and soiled — dirty meat! Next, the media conflated this with the sketches and BINGO! we have ‘ShyTalk Spank their Dirty Meat’ headlines. Fans read the reports, imitate the acts and BOOM! more headlines and more extreme Shy behaviour.
It ended up being a media circus, meat-fest uproar – and not in a good way. TV appearances dried up over night, councils threatened to revoke the licenses of venues with ShyGigs booked – at one gig in Caerphilly the ShyTeam were met by protest hymn singers and a pentocostal preacher.
We can begin to see the appeal of running away to the hidey hole utopia of the ShyRig, a decomissioned north sea oil rig,
The North Sea Oil Rig Radio Shows
Who knows what beautiful agony occured on that bleak man-made island in the North Sea? A wonderful dream, briefly declared a Shy-topia (with Jim petitioning the United Nations for national status recognition) crashed and literally burned. However, we are less concerned with the well publicised conflagration and more interested in the artistic and psychological fires that burned brightly, then out of control and finally dimming into smouldering resentments.
Some shows and some material is undeniably at the top of their canon – Geoff Capes Told me to Fuck Off is consistently brilliant – The Shopping Channel Tunnel regularly makes the top ten sketch list, Gimp Suite is polished, irreverant and subversive without feeling forced, with Olympic Trinket a scathing piece of sporting satire – they really could turn their comedy hands to anything.
Yet, even the title of the shows indicate prescience of the inner turmoil fermenting. Can you imagine, life on an Oil Rig, just the four of them 24/7 – then every fortnight a 48 hr invasion of managers, groupies, hangers on and a fresh supplies of drugs – Suzie, our researcher, tried to recreate the set up and barely lasted a month – she had to subsitute the oil rig for a bedsit in Oswestry, but the point was proved when she stumbled back into our office begging for redundancy. I for one feel for the lads as I remember clearly noticing the cracks were showing as I listened to their Saturday night output on my portable radio under my duvet.
Chillum Williams a wistful and endearing lament to their days in North Wales
and everything except the art at this point
Dogger even wrote a couple of sketches, the truly awful Please Pass Me By and the surprisingly good Cephlapod Jardinaire which became the centre piece of ???? the last good show California dreaming Gangsters paradise
They all bullied Dogger in their own way, Stu’s continual threats of imminent violence, Jim sticking his genitals and bare arse into his face at any given opportunity and Noz’s ceaseless petty theft – then there were the digs in the sketches! Each of them knew he would pore his soul into each episode, forcing himself to listen and re-listen to each sketch to attempt to reach sonic perfection
rule bound anarchist
In many ways, the hellish experiences on the rig scripted the future, Noz’s breakdown fuelled his Lego themed recovery and second moderately successful career. Jim’s belligerant attitude towards his naturism led to his ground breaking TV shows, Stu’s drug use and eventual disapearance led to who knows what exactly, the rumour mill abounds ‘just as Stu would want it’ said just about everyone we asked – and Dogger, his deep unhappyness and rejection of everything he had aspired to, allowed him to explore spiritual growth, except no-one knows where.
The Test Transmissions
Dogger’s involvement with ShyTalk Radio is perceived by those who knew him best. His mother Lady Penelope practically yelled at us ‘They broke him in every conceiveable way, and some never previously considered’ before slamming the phone down, presumably to suck on the gin soaked meat teat she has been firmly attached to since Paris. Whereas childhood ‘friend’ Rupert StJohn-Smythe said it was the making of Dogger ‘he had always been bullied at boarding school “mousey mitts Montague” we called him – innocent stuff, but as an 8 year old waking up and finding that written in ketchup on your dorm curtains – well it can affect a child’. Dogger famously sought refuge in the music room and for us, thank goodness he did, Barrington Blygh his music teacher continues ‘at first he came to the music room to hide poking one key on the piano for hours on end – trust me that was preferable to the dark thoughts he used to voice – it still visits me in my dreams sometimes. Slowly though, he gained a proficiency, fiercly autodidactic – he was always open to new musical experiences, I would bring him in LPs and new instruments and he would just take the best they had to offer – I loved that musical boy!’
He was soon performing regularly, Lady P showed us his teenage clippings and posters. The Spanking Clare Herald lauded him as ‘Cumbria’s answer to Mike Oldfield – but posher’. An article in Piano Proud labelled him a ‘personal philharmonic pantomath’. But showing us a scrapbook we can see the homemade posters he akwardly penned as a teenager, where he simply describes himself ‘Dogger Montague – the one man band’, Lady Penelope adds as an after thought ‘He was a very lonely child’.
The Inevitable Break-Up
Like all passionate marriages that fail, the ShyTalk divorce was messy. But with no money or children to fight over, character assassination was the order of the day and an ever interested media provided the forum. ‘It’s the first time dirty linen wasn’t a positive in the Shy-verse,’ Noz moaned ‘only an unenlightened fool washes their dirty linen though’. Bitterness turned quickly to hatred and metamorphised into sabotage. Verbal attacks and diss tracks led to physical assault (and in at least one well documented event) defiling of a grave. Law suits followed, the papers lost interest and life carried on in a ShyFree manner.
Whilst I would happily describe myself as a super-ShySter, even I struggle to follow the machinations that followed. In short, Jim initially got ‘the career’ with his award winning nudity themed TV shows. Stu got lots of careers both inside and outside of media (and the law). Noz, debatedly, recovered from his breakdown and found solace as he always had in Lego and women. And Dogger? who knows, speculation abounds – spiritual awakening or cultural revolutions appear the most common speculation.
That is until this year, when news broke regarding…
The reunion?
Could it be true?
Interviews suggest yes!
Can they overcome the rancour of their wilderness years?
Interviews suggest yes!
Are they producing new music and material?
Interviews suggest yes!
Will Dogger be joining them?
No!
Watch this space – a new show has been heralded for the New Year.
Be the first to hear of all new ShyTalk news, broadcasts and publications here!
With me, keeping my monkey motor ticking over,
Jamie Queensman
